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loss can be one of the most stressful experiences a person can have. And it is happening to more and more people, as companies increasingly drive for efficiency in their technology, work practices, and people. This is the competitive world of change that we live in.
Unfortunately, millions of people are being displaced in the workforce. We can protect ourselves initially by being aware that 'cradle to grave' employment with a company no longer exists, and that the responsibility is now firmly on the individual to manage and secure their careers. It is a fact that these days, almost all of us will at some stage experience job loss, and many of us more than once.
Because this workplace environment exists, job loss is no longer a poor reflection on the individual in the eyes of others. It would be fair to say that all Australians have either been retrenched themselves, or know of friends or family that have been retrenched. Any shame associated with this situation will be in the mind of the retrenched person only.
Job loss however can be extremely traumatic, and can result in a wide range of reactions, most of which are quite normal. The famous book 'On Death & Dying' by E Kubler Ross, an American Psychologist, studied people's reactions to the death of a loved one. These reactions, and the process people go through, were found to be not dissimilar to reactions to other life events involving major change or separation, such as job loss.
These reactions occur in everyone to a varying degree. The emotions may come in any order, may recur several times, and last from a matter of minutes, to days or weeks. It is important to our mental health that we recognise and understand the symptoms, and that grief is a normal reaction to loss of any kind. Some common reactions can occur in the following stages:
- SHOCK This can not be happening to me!
- RESENTMENT Why me?
- ANGER Anger against the company, the government, etc. People sometimes deflect this on to family and friends, causing much pain.
- DEPRESSION Am I ever going to find something that's good for me?
- ANXIETY What is happening to me?
- FEELINGS OF FAILURE Damage to self-esteem.
- RATIONALISATION Beginning to understand why it happened and protecting one's self-esteem.
- ACCEPTANCE Acceptance of the situation.
- NEW PATTERNS Time to move on.
Common reactions to change and loss are:
- Denial: In response to a major change, we tend to react as if it didn't really happen. We adopt a business as usual attitude, or 'if I ignore it, it will go away.' This is a common reaction for men. The problem with denial is that it may work for while, but sooner or later you will have to get on with your life, and this can't be done if one is denying reality. You will be forced to deal with the situation of losing a job, and planning for the future. In more extreme forms, denial has been witnessed when people still turn up for work, are unable to tell family and friends, instead acting out a charade.
- Negotiation: Here the individual believes there must be something that can be done to reverse the situation. You may feel like negotiating with your manager by offering more commitment. In a non-verbal way, people working out their notice have been known to work harder and longer hours. Decisions will be final, so taking this tack makes things more difficult for everyone.
- Anger: When someone else makes a decision that involves major changes to our life patterns, we experience anger that is directed at the people, organisation, or circumstances that brought it about. It is unhealthy to bottle up anger, as withheld or unresolved anger usually surfaces in some way, and can be misdirected at the least deserving people, or happen at the least appropriate time. Anger that results in negative actions or attitudes can be destructive in allowing you to move on in planning your future. Anger needs to be expressed in the least harmful way through any number of ways, but most importantly in talking about your feelings with your partner or an understanding friend.
- Depression: Major change always causes a sense of loss and sadness. To feel upset and shed some tears is entirely normal. Depressive tendencies can show due to the strain of all the other unknowns that job loss entails. They can show as feeling 'flat,' unable to concentrate, becoming absent-minded such as locking the keys in the car, or forgetting appointments. We may start to wonder if we are falling apart. We're not - we're simply being human.
Should anger, depression, anxiety or stress get in the way for any length of time where you feel that coping is difficult, see a professional counsellor or psychologist for ways to manage and to move forward.
What to tell your partner
Your partner will be concerned for you, and may also harbour their own feelings of resentment and anger toward the people who did this to you. Bring them into the picture and explain how you feel about the situation. Discuss the changes in routine that the situation will cause, and that you are likely to show boredom, frustration, and disappointment, intermixed with positive feelings. Point out that this is potentially a stressful time and seek their support and understanding.
Finances can be a concern for many people, and we often don't manage or budget as well as we could. Be sure to review your situation early in the piece, so that your job search can proceed without worrying about where you are up to financially. Your partner may be concerned here so communicate fully in this regard.
What to tell the children
Children often don't understand these situations. They may see you experiencing different emotions but not understand why. They may also continue to make the same normal demands that children make, which you can view as selfishness unless you communicate fully with them. Ensure they understand the situation, and ask for their help in managing the current family situation. |
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